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Blog: 84 What does fallen for someone mean?

If a person you know or you see in a film or TV programme says, “I’ve fallen for them”, one usually means ‘they’ve fallen head over heels in love with them’.

I’ve fallen for a couple of men in my time, when I meant I’d fallen in love with them. But a few times I didn’t know the guy on a personal level, so I was just very attracted to their physical appearance and I thought they had a nice personality – on reflection I’d say I was just in lust with them.

Falling in lust with someone is fun at first if you’re lucky enough to pull them, so you can go on a few dates and you have sex with them, but if you feel more for them than they do for you – you might feel you’ve started to fall in love with them. You might have the courage to tell them, but if they don’t feel the same as you, so you become heart broken.

You might feel it, but being really heart broken usually involves having been in a committed relationship when you’ve told each other you love each other and you break up for who knows what reason – so it’s like you’ve lost your best friend who you are really attracted to and you might have thought about your future life with them.

If you were expecting you’d get a marriage proposal from them, you might already have planned your wedding in your head and enjoyed the thoughts you might have had about your honeymoon together. So you really had fallen for them in a big way.

Here’s one to think about and the answer is probably different for many of us.

Can one be in love with someone without the feelings of lust?

From my experience – I have many male friends whom I love with all my heart, because they are good friends to me – they’re kind, funny and they have my back in my life - but I don’t fancy them, so I can’t be in love with them in what is considered a conventional romantic sexy way.

I haven’t really felt lust for a man if I haven’t got really good vibes from them because they are a wonderful human being – so a good egg as they like to say. So this turns into being in love with them, I’m yet to be turned down by a man I’ve wanted to have a relationship with, so I cannot communicate how that may feel. But I have chosen the wrong man before who was only in love with the fact I had more money than him and I left a man whom truly loved me – that was a mistake. So you could say, I chose lust over love – a mistake I shall not make again. I suggest you don’t make that mistake, because when you realize your mistake and you want the man back whose heart you broke, you might not get him back, so your heart will be fallen the wrong way.

Generally in romantic terms... when truly being in love with someone - lust has got to be part of it, so your attention doesn't go elsewhere.

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